8/26/16

THE LADY IN THE SEA OF BLOOD (1998)

Written by: Tim Nordstedt

Just looking at the cover brings a high dose of doubts rushing through my brain, two completely untinteresting pictures paste into one where a woman is completely covered in blood, so sure the title doesn´t seem to be giving you false premises, but then we have the biggest clog of sugarcoating ever, or gorecoating maybe, sentences like “warning: totally sick shit inside”, “Depraved, Sick, Violent, Twisted, Sick, Gross” and the best one “Collectors mentally unstable edition” well that one actually brought a smile to my face.
But I´m not a beginner in gross things so every desperate attempt to sell an insurance of disgusting content in this way is a complete and utter failure, I have been tricked by this simple method far too many times before.

I haven´t heard anything about this shortfilm and it´s even a worse sign when the only thing the description says is: “Previously thought to be lost in the vaults of obscure Japanese film collectors… one of three available copies of The Lady in the Sea of Blood have surfaced! One of the most bizarre videos you are bound to see, watch in horror as this woman covers herself in blood! In the tradition of films like Niku Daruma, Women´s Flesh: My Red GutsLady in the Sea of Blood is a bizarre entry in the collection of underground Japanese splatter movies”


Well doesn´t that sounds way too marvelous? Let´s see if this thirty minute flick is as horrid as they claim it is, I already have severe doubts about that!

And an half an hour later I can say that I was correct about absolutely everything! I even knew what the movie was going to be like based on the boring pictures and I don´t think that I can write anything about it without spoiling so I´ll just spoil the whole thing, a woman goes in to the bathroom and covers herself with blood and the rest of the bathroom, then takes the shower and fumblingly tries to wash everything away, yepp that´s it, the whole manufacturing babbling with taglines and everything sort of gave it away, big time! It´s boring, it´s pointless and I sat with my headphones on during 87% of the film so that I wouldn´t fall asleep.

The funny part is that they pixelated the.. I can´t say vagina because that part was never given any screentime, but they tried to censor the pube-part, I don´t know why, nothing is shown and it was a big pixelated blob covering her tigh, stomach and sometimes her arm and the shower hose, the boobs where zoomed in, with nipples up close and everything, that´s a bit baffling.

I guess you have figured out that it´s neither shocking, gross, sick, depraved or whatever they tried to write for selling points, it´s completely unnecessary and the only reason to own it is probably because it´s a rare Japanese collectible that could be fun having as another dustcollector in the shelf.





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